Monday, December 27, 2010

Earn My Degree

Attaining a degree will open up new career opportunities in the future. A good place to start is a website called EarnMyDegree.com in order to get more information on the subject. There are so many options, that anyone can find a college degree that will open doors to careers that are challenging and gratifying. Research shows that these career paths offer higher salaries than careers that don’t require a college degree. It’s worth looking into for anyone graduating from high school soon or anyone looking for a better career. It’s a very challenging time to look for a new career because of the state of the economy. One wise option to look into is to getting a college degree. They have a lot of valuable information on various college degree program available in your area or other parts of the country. Typically Online Colleges have lower cost than traditional colleges. What I liked best was I could choose my own study times. I would recommend old.mywritingblog.com, to any body that is looking for an online college as they can match you with the proper online college that fits your needs. So, check this out and get the information you need quick and easy.

A frog calls a psychic

Panda Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"

"No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Next day gourmet

My cousin, Billy, is a manager at a restaurant in California and has a lot of responsibilities that includes purchasing. There are many restaurant supplies they need on a daily, weekly and monthly basis. Billy said he only uses sources that are reliable and can give him the supplies when he needs it at competitive prices. One of his main sources is a website called superprod. They offer very competitive prices for great quality products. They have been in the business for years providing great customer service. Their selection includes refrigeration & ice, cooking & beverage, bar, dining room, kitchen & food prep, bakeware & cookware, catering & buffet and a lot more. This is the first place he goes when he orders supplies on a regular basis or when he needs something on the spur of the moment. Before he used this website, he used several different vendors to satisfy the demand his restaurant has for supplies. His bar manager also uses this website for all the bar equipment they need too. My hubby has a nephew that is graduating from cooking school in the spring and is a kitchen manager at an upscale Italian restaurant in Denver. Since he needs to buy supplies for his kitchen, I told him about this website that Billy uses as his main source for his supplies. After I checked out this site, I can see why anyone in the food service industry would be impressed with their huge selection and very competitive pricing. I remember talking to one of my friends, she's planning to buy some restaurant supplies and she's been asking me if I know a good place. I can't wait to tell her about what this website has to offer. So if you or someone you know is looking to buy bar equipment, check out this website and see their great selection to choose from.

Buried In The Holy Land

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem.

While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land , for $150."

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance".

Local

My hubby and I just made plans to visit his cousin, Steve, who lives in the Phoenix area. We will be there for a week and have plans to do a lot there during our visit. I have never been to that part of Arizona before and my hubby hasn’t been to Phoenix for almost twenty years. Steve just moved there a couple of months ago and is still getting used to his surroundings. He told us about a website called localdirectory that has been a big time saver for him. This internet directory is what he uses to find local businesses in his area or when he is driving around town on business. We told him about some of the things we want to do there and he suggested we visit this website to find what we needed. Steve said he used this website recently to find a list of Phoenix florists near him to buy a flower arrangement for the holidays. He emailed us a picture of the flowers he bought and they were absolutely gorgeous. He told us about some of the Phoenix theaters that are near him that have the latest releases. We try to watch movies when we get together with Steve, so he knew we would want to know which of the Phoenix movie theaters near him are the best ones. This website made it easy to find three Phoenix florists close to him so we will know where to go after we arrive. We found other places we wanted to go like some restaurants and fun places for Rachel to see to have fun. This place is very easy to use and will save us a lot of time during our vacation to Phoenix. So, check this out and see how they can help you.

Accountant's tatoo

Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says, "Where in the hell have you been?"

Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."

A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?" "I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly.

"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?"

"Well, one, I like to watch my money grow.
Two, once in a while I like to play with my money.
Three, I like how money feels in my hand.
And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want!"

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Whipping up some Christmas cookies

Guest post written by Jessica Barton

The part that I hate the most about the holidays is putting up all of our decorations. I've never been one for decorating because I'm not good at it at all, so that probably explains why. However, i do love baking things for the holidays and a lot of my friends know to expect some kind of baked good for Christmas. I'm so predictable about that now that people will even request certain things for their gifts that I've given them over the years!

So right now I'm working on planning what I'm going to bake for who. For the people that haven't requested specific baked goods, I've been using my Clear TV Bundle to find new recipes to cook for them.

I thought about fixing a new kind of Christmas cookie for those people, after baking it and trying it for myself, of course. I'm excited to see how those people think of these new recipes that I've found to see if I should add them to my regular roster of Christmas recipes.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Total Protecty Home Warranty

My hubby told me we need to do something to protect us and our home. He told me about a website called merchantcircle.com that has the perfect option for us. Their Total Protecty Home Warranty has the coverage we need. This coverage is so good my hubby said we should have signed up sooner. Anyone that was like us and didn’t have the coverage they need should visit this website to get the Total Protecty Home Warranty like we did. I can't wait to tell my friends about what this website has to offer. So, check this out and get the information you need quick and easy.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Two Spoons

At a restaurant, one of the customers noticed that all of the waiters had two spoons in their vest pocket. Upon being asked, the waiter said, "We see that the most frequently dropped silverware are spoons, therefore we keep them for replacement."

Then the customer noticed that a string was hanging out of all the waiters' flies and asked what the string was for. "The string is for us to go to the bathroom," explained the waiter, "that way, when we pull it, it shoots and aims right away. Then we don't have to stop to wash our hands."

The customer asked, "Well, that's how you get it out, but how do you get it back in?" The waiter whispered confidentially, "I don't know about the others, but I use the two spoons."

Friday, December 10, 2010

Payday loans

A good friend of mine, Lucy, said her husband finally got a job after being unemployed for almost a year. He was getting unemployment, but they still were falling behind on their bills each month. Over the last year, they have fallen behind on their credit card and medical bills. They are happy and relieved that Lucy’s husband has started working again, but they have bills due before he gets his first paycheck. She told me about their financial problem and explained to her we were in a similar situation not long ago. I suggested she visit a this great place to learn about the instant payday loans that we used to help us when we had cash flow problems. These payday loans no faxing is required to apply because the process is simple and quick. This is the perfect option for Lucy and her husband to use this loan to pay there bills to buy them time until her husband starts getting regular paychecks from his new employer. I have mentioned this website to several of my friends and they all were very impressed with how easy is is to apply and how quickly they got the cash they needed for their financial obligations. To learn more about payday loans online, check out this great site and see how they can help you.

The Cleaning Bill

Two Buddies were drinking in a bar one night and had became extremely drunk. One guy was so drunk that he had got sick all over his shirt. He looks at his buddy and says "My wife is gonna kill me when I get home,this is a brand new shirt! His buddy looks at him and says "don't worry,just put $20 in your front pocket and tell her that some guy got sick on you and gave you $20 for the cleaning bill. The guy thinks this is a excellent idea and continues to drink. He closes the bar down and heads home. When he arrives and opens the front door his wife is standing there waiting on him. "just look at you, you drunk bastard! You even got sick all over yourself". The man replies "No baby, it isn't like that some guy got sick on me and look here he gave me $20 for the cleaning bill. She pulls the money out of his pocket and counts it and says "Wait one minute there's $40 here! The guy looks at her and says " Oh yea, he shit in my pants too!

Nameplates

My friend has a business and needed to get some supplies for their office. She told me they were looking for quality custom labels and nameplates for some projects that have scheduled. I suggested she visit a website called datagraphicsinc.com to get what they need.

This website has these types of supplies and others items that are competitively priced and used by most businesses. They have been in the business for years providing great customer service. So if you or someone you know is looking to buy office supplies, check out this website and see their great selection to choose from.

Golden Saloon

A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. "Where the hell have you been all night?" she demands.
"At this new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor and even the urinal's gold!" The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband's story. "Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answers the phone. "Yes it is," bartender answers. "Do you have huge golden doors?" "Sure do." "Do you have golden floors? "Most certainly do." "What about golden urinals?"There's a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling,
"Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that pissed in your
saxophone last night!"

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Payday loans

My brother, Glenn, has had some bad luck this year. He found out a couple of months ago that his company was going out of business and he along with his fellow co-workers were going to be laid off with very little notice. Since the company was out of cash, they didn’t pay their workers any severance at all. Glenn was very upset because he had worked there over five years and now was looking for another job. The job he had was something he really enjoyed and he got paid very well. Unfortunately, he wasn’t able to plan ahead for this and still is looking for a job. The unemployment he gets only pays a small part of the bills for his family. His wife found a part time job, but they are still falling short on paying their bills. Finally, last week Glenn got some great news and was given an offer for a very good job with a great company. He was so excited at first, but then realized that he was not going to be able to pay all of his bills before he started getting paid for his new job. I told him that we had the same problem when my hubby was out of work earlier this year, so we found a website called ivctricounty.org that was the solution for us. This is where we apply for payday loans when we are short on cash. They make it simple to apply and once we got approved, we got our cash very fast. Glenn was relieved that he could use these payday loans to help him with his bills. I was happy because my hard-working brother found a really good job and can use payday loans to pay his bills so he can get back on his feet financially much quicker.

Gently Put

Six guys are playing poker. After losing $500 on one hand, Smith clutches his chest and topples over, dead at the table. To decide who's going to tell his wife, his buddies draw straws. Anderson picks the short one. "Break it to her gently," they all urge.
"Leave it to me," he says. When Smith's wife comes to the door, Anderson says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards."
"How much?" the wife yells, eyes blazing. "Tell him to drop dead!"

Monday, December 6, 2010

Gift Baskets

My hubby always buys me flowers for special occasions and holidays. I like it because it reminds me how special he makes me feel when he buys me flowers. Also, fresh flowers always brighten up the room I put them in. I asked him recently where he buys the flowers for me since my friend wants to know. He said he uses a website called 1800baskets.com because this is where he gets to choose from a wide selection of Roses and other types of flowers. They also have a lot of great choices that would be perfect for many different occasions. It’s not easy to buy friends and relatives gifts for the holidays, so we often times buy Gift Baskets that we know they will enjoy. There is such a huge selection of them to choose from that it’s always easy to find one to order as a gift for someone we know. My hubby even buys them and takes them to his work as a reward for his employees after they have a good selling month. There are many different reasons, holidays or occasions where this website can help find the ideal gift for anyone we know. For parties, meetings, events, anniversaries, and personal gifts, nothing is more crowd-pleasing or easier to serve. In a generous range of sizes and contents, you’ll find the best in baskets. This website guarantee the quality, freshness, and presentation of their gifts. They offer very competitive prices for great quality products. They have been in the business for years providing great customer service. No matter what your budget, they can suggest a unique gift idea that will bring an expression of delight to the face of the recipient. Anyone looking to send flowers or gift baskets for the holidays should check out this website before they go anywhere else.

What's in a Name?

I was at a friends wedding. Her father asked me to dance with him. He was pretty drunk, but I figured what the hell. So we're dancing and I asked, "So, are you enjoying yourself Richard?" He said, "I prefer Dick." I said, "Well so do I, but what does that have to do with anything?"

Avon Calling

An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator. Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart. Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy.

Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to cover up the smell. A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face. "Holy cow! What's that smell?"

"I don't know, sir. I don't smell anything. What does it smell like to you?"

"Like someone crapped a Christmas tree."

Friday, December 3, 2010

The Best Action Movie

The Best Action Movie

The Author of this post is Cheryl Martinez

One of my favorite action movies of all time is Saving Private Ryan. It was actually one of the first war/action movies I've ever seen. I actually have watched this movie so much that my DVD can not even be read! Once in awhile, I'm able to catch my favorite action movie on DirecTV current offers to enjoy once again. The movie is really great and has some very memorable moments and characters throughout the hour and a half that is plays. My favorite character is the sniper known as Jackson. He's actually played by one of my favorite actors, so it was just a given.

The entire movie is based on a group of army soldiers who are sent out on a mission to find one soldier. Apparently, the soldier, who's name is Ryan, has been lost and is meant to go home. All three of his brothers were killed in combat, and as a last resort to save the family name, Ryan must be found and brought back home. The entire movie takes you through several different scenes of war and heart pounding action. At the end of the movie, Ryan is finally found in the midst of a huge battle with the German army. This movie is extremely well known, and I'm absolutely positive that I'm not the only one who loves it.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Payday Loans

A payday loan is a small, short-term loan that is intended to cover a borrower’s expenses until his or her next payday. In today’s volatile economy, more and more people are turning to payday loans for temporary financial assistance. Due to the prolonged recession we have been in for over two years, this website is a popular option for people that need a quick and reliable way to get help with their cash flow. A friend of mine suggested to visit a website called ivctricounty.org where they I can get an online payday loans for the cash flow I needed. I advised this online payday loans solution is our safety net for cash flow when we get in a financial bind and need some short-term help. I checked out the website and quickly realized this was our cash flow solution to help us with our financial situation. I didn't realize that there was a place we could go that would make it so easy to get payday loans when we are short on cash for our bills or other unexpected expenses. After we got our loan and paid our bills, I called my friend to thank her for the great suggestion she gave us. She said she tells all of her friends and relatives about it that need a simple and reliable cash flow source. My sister told me her husband started his new job last week, but won’t get his first paycheck for another two weeks. They were looking for a way to get some extra cash to pay their bills since he won’t get pair before their rent is due this week. They had to use their savings to make up the difference and that extra money for bills is gone after they paid their bills this month.

Arabic Ad

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?". The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters... First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... Totally exhausted and panting. Second poster, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place". "That should have worked," said the friend. The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realize that Arabs Read from Right to Left..."

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Heading out to Cleveland for Thanksgiving Dinner

Heading out to Cleveland for Thanksgiving Dinner

I appreciate the guest post, Alonso Humphrey

What can I say? Visiting our family on Thanksgiving is a hectic, fun-filled day. My family is loud and boisterous, but what better way to spend the holiday joking, laughing and having fun? My family and I head out to my brother's house for our traditional Thanksgiving event, all the way near Cleveland, Ohio. We have to leave early in the morning, since the drive is a good 45 minutes away, and we never forget to set our home security alarm system (ADT ALARM specials) before we leave the house, as we never get back until way after dark.

Usually the whole mess of family is there; uncles, aunts, cousins, my niece and two nephews, and of course the random old and new boyfriends and girlfriends of the moment. But it's fun mixing together with everyone. We laugh and joke around, and we always plan to watch TV while we are there, since there are so many great Thanksgiving day specials, parades and football games on that day. We especially love the kids Thanksgiving specials, such as a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving, which the kids flip for.

Our meal is a fun-filled event with lots of laughing, shouting and joking. I love visiting my family on Thanksgiving, as it is a time to catch up with relatives I haven't seen all year, as well as embrace the ones I see regularly.

Not so smart

Some not too smart gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the best plan. The next day they get to work and are able to get into the bank relatively easy thanks to their planning. Once inside the main vault they discover one wall is full of safety deposit boxes and start to work on them immediately. They drill and pry open the first box only to find a small container of vanilla pudding inside.

The Head Gangster says, "Okay, well, at least we can eat it." So they eat the pudding. They drill and pry open up the second safety deposit box and there sits another pudding. They decide to devour it too.

Determined to find the goods, the process continues for the rest of the night until all the safety deposit boxes have been opened. They didn't find any money or jewelry in any of the boxes. Disappointed the head gangster said, "Well, at least they left something for us to eat."

The next day, while listening to the news they hear:
"Yesterday the largest SPERM bank in the USA was robbed by an unknown group of people.....

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Winter clothes for kids

Christmas is around the corner. I was planning to buy some winter clothes for our daughter for Christmas. Since I’ve been so busy these past few days, shopping online is a convenient thing to do. While I was browsing on the internet, I found this great website called zappos.com. They have a wide selection of winter kids clothing such as north face kids jacket and apparel to choose from.

They offer very competitive prices for top quality products. They have been in the business for many years providing great customer service. I can’t wait to shop for some boots and north face jackets for our little princess. So, if you’re looking for a real convenient and simple way to buy kids clothes, check out this website and you’ll be happy you did.

Southern Girl

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive Blonde woman from Alabama arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play Topless." With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, "Come on, Baby, Southern Girl needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down, and squealed..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!"

She hugged each of the dealers. Then she picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

The other ans wered, "I don't know. I thought you were watching."


Moral --- Not all Southerners are stupid. Not all blondes are dumb. But, all men..... are men.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Phentermine

There are a lot of products on the market that make a lot of promises and claims to help people lose weight fast. However, most of them over promise and under deliver. So, where can one go to get scientific and factual information about a proven weight loss product. I found the place and it's called princesseecossaise.com. This is a very easy to understand and user friendly website that explains how and why these diet products are so effective. When you visit this website, you'll find information about how to buy phentermine. Also, they have real testimonials from actual customers that explain why they think this is the best diet pill they have ever used. It's refreshing to read about the specific reasons why it's so effective. The reasons include how the diet pill boosts metabolism and blocks carbs and to buy phentermine. This product has been proven to be successful by all the people that have had successful results. Look to an established product that is effective and one of the best selling diet pills available today. Don't go with a new diet pill that doesn't have the scientific facts and testimonials to back it up like this one does. To learn more about how to buy phentermine, check out this website and see how they can help you with your diet.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Learn about this weight loss option

My cousin lives in northeast Texas and recently told me she wants to do something about her extra weight. She has some health issues that caused her to gain a lot of weight that have been taken care of, but now she wants to lose a lot of weight in her mid-section that she gained over the last several years. I told her about a website I found called ai4ps.com that would be a very good weight loss option to consider. This smart liposuction plano option is what she needs to lose the excessive unwanted weight she has in her stomach area. She was encouraged about this solution for her after reading the very helpful information on this website.

New Hearing Aid

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."

"Really," answered the neighbor . "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty."

What If The Heater Don't Work?

What If The Heater Don't Work?

Post contributed by Alfredo Gaines

Its that time again, every year, come October, the winds of the north blow cold. The birds migrating south stop by the nearby pond to sasciate their thirst. Here in my house, every one is thinking food, party, presents... I am thinking Heating Costs, Windows Sealing... I walk to the shed and start surveying my winter stash, my generator, gutter cleaning... and so, I start the yearly chore of setting the house up for winter. I lock the house as tight as it can be. All windows and doors, the Fire Place. I go towards the furnace and turn the gas on, wait a few minutes and then go to my "Electronic Thermostat" and turn it to "Heat" and turn the "Power On". It takes a few instants to come on, full blast. As my kids watch wide eyed, I light up a handfull of incence sticks, cinnamon, every one likes cinnamon. I wait till the smoke is full and constant, then I approach the front door and bring the incense close to the seam where the door meets the door frame and wait and see, I run the incense sticks all over the seams, watching the smoke. All is good, no leaks... Every door and every window will get the "Incense Treatment" to insure there are no leaks. If there were any leaks you would see the smoke as it's sucked into the leaking space. All doors and windows must have a good seal, otherwise you will be heating up the neighborhood. Next I check the "Insulation Blanket" around the "Water Heater" in the Garage. I check the "pilot Light", make sure is "ON" and that the cover is on its place. Move the "Heating Control Knob" to "Medium Heat" position. Next to put the cover over the "A/C Unit", (Air Conditioner Unit), make sure the rain and/or snow stay off and out of it. My kids are too young to help, but they follow me around, watching, learning, as I explain to them the importance of making these preparations ahead of time. Where we live there are no issues with winter storms, but you never know. We do have "Storm Windows and Doors" but we will just have them handy, not installed. Make sure we change the oil in the generator and fill it up with gasoline and start it up, make sure it works. Generator is a "GO". All "Mechanical Items" are to be checked for proper servicing and operation prior to the winter months. Even the Insulation Blankets on the "Dog House will be checked. Our pets have to be well tended, they cannot do it themselves. It's a good experience for the children as well, some day they will be doing this to their homes. It saves work, time and money. Make sure the "BBQ Grill" is covered, and secured, cover all the "Patio Furniture", and put an insulation blanket on the "Irrigation Control Valves" so they do not freeze. We have a "50 Lbs, Bag of Salt", for when the "Sidewalk and Driveway" freezes. Avoid "Slip and Fall" accidents. Pile some "Fire Wood" on the Porch and another pile next to the Fire Place. Make sure it stays nice and dry for when it's needed. Back to the Garage we go, This time we have to "Break" into the "Winter Storage Coverts" and bring out the "Heavy Mink Blankets" and "Winter Clothing Items", Jackets, Gloves, Boots and Winter Shoes. All the blankets have to be fluffed up and the children love to punch on them and throw them around for that purpose. Last but not least, we know the heater is working fine, but we still have to either replce or clean the filter. It gets very dusty in there. Clean filters means better circulation of the air as well as cleaner air. Also is good for the furnace because it does not have to work hard to process the warm air that we so much enjoy. Now that all the chores have been taken care of, is time to enjoy a nice afternoon football game. We are going to kick back and relax in front of the Satellite Television we got after looking at the directv satellite comparison and watch as the "New York Football Giants" destroy "Troy" and his "Cowpokes".

Barbie

A man walks into the toy store to get a Barbie doll for his daughter. So he asks the assistant, as you would, "How much is Barbie?"

"Well," she says, "we have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00."

"Hey, hang on," the guy asks, "why is Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?"

"Yeah, well, it's like this ... Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture ..."

Thursday, November 18, 2010

The best source for vacuum bags

My hubby and I have a Hoover vacuum that works great, but it’s hard to find the replacement bags at our local retail stores. They are usually out of stock and can’t tell us when they will have them. After this prolonged frustration to find something as simple as vacuum cleaner bags, we turned to the internet to find a source that gave us what we needed. This website called sparesnextday.co.uk is exactly what we needed so we can order our hoover bags at great prices whenever we need them. We have told many of our friends and relatives about this website that used to have the same problem finding vacuum bags like we did. I remember talking to one of my friends, she has the same problem with us. She’s been looking to buy vacuum bags but couldn’t find the exact size and brand. I can’t wait to tell my friend about what this website has to offer. Make sure to see their Spares Next Day option that is something we always check out when we visit the sparesnextday. Anyone who uses vacuum bags should check out this website the next time they need replacements.

Don't Stop

There are three men in the woods. they are hunter, trapper, and stupid
guy. Hunter goes out and comes back an hour later with a bear. Trapper asks
"how did you get that?" Hunter says me find tracks, me follow tracks, me find
bear, me shoot bear, bear stop."
Trapper goes out and comes back an hour later with a deer. Stupid guy
asks "how did you get that?" Trapper says" me find tracks, me follow tracks,
me find deer, me shoot dear, dear stop."
Stupid guy goes out and comes back two hours later bruised and nearly
dead with broken limbs. Hunter and trapper ask "What happened to you?"
stupid guy says "me find tracks, me follow tracks, me find train, me shoot
train, train don't stop."

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Austin Family Attorney

My cousin lives in Austin, Texas and said she needs to speak with a family attorney. Her husband and her have chosen to get a divorce recently since they can’t seem to make things better for their family. I told her to visit a website called evansfamilylawgroup.com. This is where she can learn about an Austin Family Attorney that has the experience in family law that she needs for her situation. She will have issues including child support and Grandparents Rights that will be part of the divorce agreement. I wanted to make sure she has someone on her side that will represent her properly during this difficult process.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Have fun playing

One of my friends was browsing on the internet and found this great website called casinoonline.org. This website has very impressive detailed reviews that include screen shots the specifics on the games found on each respective online casino website. For me, the more I understand about the differences between games makes it easier to find the best games for me to play and better understand how the games work.It’s fun for us to play after our daughter goes to bed or is at a friends house playing. So if you or someone you know loves to play online casino, check this out and get the information you need quick and easy.

The Lexus

A lady walked into a Lexus dealership just to browse. Suddenly, she spotted the most beautiful car that she had ever seen, and walked over to inspect it. As she bent forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little fart escaped.

Embarrassed, she anxiously looked around to see if anyone had noticed and hoped a sales person didn't pop up right now. But, as she turned back, there, standing next to her, was a salesman.

With a pleasant smile he greeted her, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?"

Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though nothing had happened, she smiled back and asked, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"

Still smiling pleasantly, he replied, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say that if you farted simply from touching it, you are going to sh*t when you hear the price."

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Protecting your home

Protecting your home

Guest post by Quincy Lester

One of the most important places that one can visit together as a family is the library. There are so many things that one can learn by reading books. Not only does visiting the library encourage the love of learning but it strengthens family togetherness. I simply love learning new things every time we my family and I take a trip to our local library. We visit several libraries in our area many times a week. Reading is such an important and essential part of our lives. My husband and I could not imagine not introducing our child to reading at a young age as it is essential to the foundation of learning. Our local library has many items to offer such as books on tape and compact disc as well as educational DVD's for the whole family. I could practically spend the whole day in the library searching for books and movies on any given topic that might peak my interest at the time. However, there is one thing I never forget to do before I leave my home to spend time at the library - I never go to the library without first protecting my home by setting my Home security Systems before I leave.

Loan Letter

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply.

(Actual letter):

"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."

Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows (actual letter):

"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S. , from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application.

For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France , which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain

The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. The good queen, Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus' expedition. Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana . God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back, to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the FHA. I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our damn loan?"

The loan was approved.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

The Jersey Shore Sends A Good Message

The Jersey Shore Sends A Good Message

Author: Willard Roberson

I must come clean. I am one of those who add to the ratings for The Jersey Shore. Does this make me an immoral person? According to the media, this show is the most disgusting show to come along in years - perhaps ever. Supposedly, it sends the wrong message to our youth that it's wrong to drink and have premarital sex. What the media doesn't realize, though, is that they are actually reversing the message, which is beneficial for today's youth. What I'm trying to say is that since the media has demonized the show so much, everyone thinks the people on the show behave irresponsibly. This makes the characters on The Jersey Shore look like losers, not winners. Therefore, the kids who watch the show will grow up not wanting to be like them. Who in their right mind would want to be called a loser?

This is a strange situation. It's not often that a television show will have such an unintended effect, but that is exactly what has happened. It's almost like The Jersey Shore is acting like a public service message, but with a much more mature rating. One thing is for sure, regardless of what people think or say about it, or what message is being sent, I will always watch it on Free on Demand on my satellite tv from satelite.com. I just can't get enough of the immorality. But I think that makes me human.

Taxi Driver

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"

"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Blast From the Past

Guest post written by Franklin Smith

I was on the internet randomly the other day, just browsing around checking out new hearing aids at MiracleEarHearingAids.net when I heard the mailmanÕs car door close outside. He had so much to give me this particular day, he ended up walking it up to my doorstep. Weird, huh? On top of the pile was one piece of mail I love getting every month Ð the latest copy of the alumni magazine from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, aka my alma mater. ItÕs been about 40 years since I went to school there, but it still holds a very dear place in my heart. They call it a little slice of heavenÑand let me tell you, they ainÕt lying.

As I was flipping through the magazine, I saw an ad for tickets for an upcoming UNC football game, which I jumped on immediately. ItÕs about time I got back!

My trip is this weekend and IÕm so excited. Every bit of that campus holds a special place in my heart, and itÕs been far too long since IÕve gone to see it.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

PetCareRx

I have so many friends and relatives that have pets. My sister said she recently found a great website called couponsnapshot.com. This is where she gets all of her PetCareRx products quick and easy. Also, she said their prices are the best she has found anywhere. I told some of my friends about this website and they all told me they wish they would have known about it sooner.

Get Your Track Shoes On

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street.

However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.

After watching the boys efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position.

He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a sold ring.

Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"

To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"

Web visible

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Sausage Factory

There once was a man who owned a sausage factory, and he was showing his arrogant preppy son around his factory. Try as he might to impress his snobbish son, his son would just sneer. They approached the heart of the factory, where the father thought, "This should impress him!" He showed his son a machine and said "Son, this is the heart of the factory. With this machine here we can put in a pig, and out come sausages.

The prudish son, unimpressed, said "Yes, but do you have a machine where you can put in a sausage and out comes a pig?"

The father, furious, thought and said, "Yes son, we call it your mother."

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Rapidshare Search

My hubby said that he is really tired of searching all over the internet when he is looking for specific computer files. I feel the same way when I am looking for files for music or movies. It can take a long time to search many different sites and sometimes I still don’t find what I’m looking for. My brother who knows a lot more about computers than we do told us to visit a website called filez.st to get the Rapidshare Search we need quick and easy. This is the best source by far we have found to find exactly where to go to get the files we need.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

My Favorite Children's Halloween Program

My Favorite Children's Halloween Program

Thanks for the article from Maxine Taylor

I love halloween and all of the special programming for children really gets the whole family in the mood to dress up and have a great halloween. My favorite program around this time of year is "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown." I watch it on satellite tv from www.directstartv.com/direct-tv-blog/catch-every-sunday-game-with-directv-nfl-sunday-ticket%E2%84%A2-to-go-2-p1183.html.

The program is so nostalgic for me as I watched it growing up. I am glad that I am able to bring this tradition to my kids and hopefully they can pass it down to their children as well.

My favorite part is when Lucy wakes up in the middle of the night to look for her brother Linus. She finds him shivering with his blanket in the pumpkin patch. She takes him back and puts him in bed. But he and Charlie go right back out to look for the Great Pumpkin.

I like how Linus is so sure that the Great Pumpkin will come. At one point he even convinces Sally to stay and wait with him. Children have such great imaginations and they never cease to amaze me with their strong will.

Halloween is going to be a great time for me and the family, I can't wait. We will be all curled up by the fireplace with our blankets, hot chocolate and pumpkin pie watching "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown."

Bus For Alaska

Fay Chester was a busy housewife with a demanding husband, six children and a large house. The only relief she got from her chores was the twice-a-week bridge game she shared with a dozen other women. The only flaw in the bridge club relationship was that Fay loved to tell off-color stories and the girls didn't want to hear them.

To teach Fay a lesson, the other women decided that the next time she told an off-color story, they'd just get up, walk out, meet at another home but without Fay.

Sure enough, at the next meeting, Fay started, "You know, girls, there's a rumor going around that a busload of prostitutes will be leaving in the morning for that big gold find up in Alaska, and they say...." Just then, the women all stood up and started for the door. Fay was disconcerted but only for a moment, then she understood what was going on and said, "Hey! Girls! Hold on, hold on! There's plenty of time 'cause the bus doesn't leave till morning!"

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Why I love going to a professional baseball game with my kids

Why I love going to a professional baseball game with my kids

Thanks for the article from Antone Medina

My kids love going to a professional baseball game. They get to to see their favorite players close up and get to cheer for their favorite teams. They can also sing American folk favorites, such as the folk song, Take Me Out to the Ball Game. Depending on how far away you live from the stadium, taking your kids could just be a short trip or hours of mundane car games that are not mildly entertaining.

To be honest, getting a chance to see the game brings out the child in me. I get a sense of wonder from viewing any baseball game. Perhaps it comes from when I played Little League and would spend a long time on the bench or in right-field. Perhaps going to a professional baseball game allows me to imagine a future that I knew was not possible for me.

However, if I just want to see how my favorite team is doing or do not have the money to go to the local stadium, I must find another option. For me, the best option is watching a baseball game on satellite TV from www.bestchoicetv.com. If my favorite team does not get covered, I can buy the service from my provider that allows me to see several games at once. I can watch my team and whatever games are being shown in my area.

Cabbie and the Nun

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices the very handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you".

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that, number 1, you have to be single and number 2, you must be Catholic."

The ! cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!

"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a passionate kiss. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"

"Forgive me for I have sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK.

My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."

Friday, October 8, 2010

Moving advise

A friend of mine is planning to move to another state. She called and we talked about a lot of different things. She asked me about moving advise because she never move before and she’s worried about scratching her things. While I was browsing on the internet tonight, I found this great website called blog.movebuilder.com. When you visit this website you’ll find valuable information about moving. I told my friend about this place and she thanked me because she found a lot of valuable information about moving. So if you or someone you know is planning to move, check out this website and you’ll be happy you did.

Man Overboard

An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the ship watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old man overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find him. So the captain sent the old woman back to shore with the promise that he would notify her as soon as they found something.

Three weeks went by and finally the old woman got a fax from the ship. It read: "Ma'am, sorry to inform you, we found your husband dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled him up to the deck and attached to his back end was an oyster and inside the oyster was a pearl worth $50,000....please advise."

The old woman faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Tips For Relieving Stress on International Business Trips

Tips For Relieving Stress on International Business Trips

The article written by Alonso Kramer

The life of a travel writer can seem romantic, with paid press trips to exotic locations, free meals and paid transportation. While these opportunities happen occasionally they are few and far between. Most business trips for travel writers are quick trips to cover specific events requiring personal interviews with locals, sometimes while recovering from jetlag. The interviews, notes and photography all must be submitted in the form of an article either during the trip itself or shortly after return. There is usually no time for leisure and they can create a great deal of stress.

My trips usually involve Asia, specifically Thailand and Hong Kong. There are several things you can do on international business trips to minimize stress. Schedule your interviews ahead of time. Take energy bars with you for meal replacements if time limited. This has been especially helpful to me in Thailand where the spicy cuisine comes with an adjustment period.

You can also do tasks at home to relieve worry while you're gone. Water your plants the day before you leave and unplug unnecessary appliances. Tell a trusted friend you'll be gone and have your mail held. I always set my home security, alarm that I had installed by Arizona Adt Security, before I leave on a business trip and I have timers for several lights in the house. Enjoy your business trip with some piece of mind.

Life

A Catholic priest, a Protestant minister, and a Jewish rabbi were discussing when life begins.

"Life begins," said the priest, "at the moment of fertilization. That is when God instills the spark of life into the fetus."

"We believe," said the minister, "that life begins at birth, because that is when the baby becomes an individual and is capable of making its own decisions and must learn about sin."

"You're both wrong," said the rabbi. "Life begins when the children have graduated from college and moved out of the house."

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

An awkward (yet lovable) "Office"

An awkward (yet lovable) "Office"

Guest post written by my buddy Lavern Small

I never thought I could love a tv show more than I love Seinfeld, but The Office may just be up there. From the quirky, way way way way over the top characters and the little bits they do at the beginning and end of the show, this show just keeps me laughing non stop.

Most fans started watching the show because of Steve Carrell's (who plays Regional Manager Michael Scott) work on the movie, the 40 year old version. To be honest, I only first started watching it because I thought Jenna Fischer (Pam Beesly) was hot - Fischer guest starred for an episode of That 70's Show as Stephanie Wanamaker. But I ended up enjoying the show for it's awkward humor. I've actually grown most fond of the side characters.

Thanks to some of the best cable tv deals, I've DVR'd all my favorite episodes. Most of my favorite parts involve scenes with one of the biggest side characters, Dwight Schrute (Rainn Wilson). I especially enjoy his relationship with the protagonist, Jim Halpert (John Krasinski) - especially b/c they are somewhat rivals who outwardly protest their dislike one another, but have some of the most memorable scenes of friendship in the show like when Dwight quits (the other one where Dwight's first love interest chooses another co-worker, Andy Bernard (Ed Helms) and Jim consoles him on the stairwell. I laughed when Dwight (who had been looking away in tears) turns to hug Jim and he's already left).

Monday, September 20, 2010

West palm beach real estate

My hubby was looking around on the internet for real estate opportunities for his sister. They want somewhere in the east coast that is a warm place to go in the winter time when it's cold and snowy here in Denver. He saw some properties that looked nice, but they were really expensive and out of their price range until he read about west palm beach real estate. They have some really great options and values for beach front properties in all different sizes of lots. On their website, west-palm-beach-real-estate.info, You can view a map of the location of the beach so you can see where how you can access the area and what towns are nearby. They also can sell anyone property in this beach development and the entire county. Their have proven marketing techniques to make sure the properties they are trying to sell get the exposure they need to sell at a good market price and in a timely manner. Don't forget, they can find you the property to fit your needs and budget as fast as they can sell you own property too. So, if you know anyone looking to buy or sell property in west palm beach, Florida, make sure they visit this website to see how experience and dedication can help them out.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Crowd control products

Are you or someone you know is looking to buy crowd control products? Then visit this website called camelbackdisplays.com. This website offers a wide variety of crowd control to choose from. Their selection includes stanchions, velvet rope and barricades. They offer very competitive prices for great quality products.

Their been in the business for years providing great customer service. They offer products that are of the highest quality, unique and hard to find. They strive to bring you first-rate customer service, the fastest delivery, and the lowest pricing on their entire line of crowd control products. So, check this out and see how they can help you.

Total Protect Home Warranty

My hubby and I were concerned about having the needed coverage for our home. We wanted to make sure we had a Total Protect Home Warranty to cover us for something unforeseen that may happen in the future to our home. The website called interactive.starmark.com is where we found the coverage we should have had a long time ago. One of our neighbors had a problem with thier house that was very costly. If they had Total Protect Home Warranty, then they would have been a lot better off financially. My hubby and I have a better piece of mind now that we have this coverage for our home.

Church Service

One Sunday morning, the priest saw little Davey staring up at the large plaque that hung in the church's foyer. The plaque was covered with names and small American flags were mounted on either side of it.

"Father Donovan," the boy asked, "what is this?

"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service," the priest explained. They stood together quietly, staring at the memorial plaque.

Little Davey softly asked, "Which service? The 9:00 or the 10:30?"

PetCareRx

We recently found out our dog has a disease that needs to be managed by pet medication. Since we have never needed to use pet meds over a period of time before, we didn’t know the best place to go. One of my friends told me they get everything they needs for their pets on a website called momsview.com. This website for PetCareRx is the best option we have found to get the med we needs for our dog. I can see why my friend likes, PetCareRx, so much because of their wide selection of products and very competitive prices. To learn more about PetCareRx, check out this website and see how they can help you.

The Chaffeur

One day the Pope is coming to America in his Limo and he said to the driver, "Why don't you let me drive for once." The driver thinks to himself, "Well, I can't say no to this guy, he's the pope." So the driver pulls over and they change places. The Pope was having fun, hauling butt down the freeway, dodging cars. After a while the driver taps on the window and tells the Pope, "Slow down a bit, you might get pulled over." The Pope says, "Ahhh, don't worry about it, I'm the Pope." So he rolls up the window and continues to drive very fast. After a few moments he gets pulled over. The cop walks to the car and the Pope rolls down the tinted window. The cop sees the Pope and says, "Oh, I, ehhh, sorry, can you hold on a minute."

The Pope says, "Sure"The cop walks back to his car and radios back to the station. He says, "Guys I just pulled over someone really important."

They ask who, "The President?."

"No more important."

"The president of another country."

"No more important."

"An ambassador."

"No even more important."

"Well who is it."

"I don't know, but the Pope is the chauffeur."

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Fishing With Dad

Fishing With Dad

Contribution by Jonathan Mcmillan

I have been going fishing with my dad for about 50 years now. We get the boat packed every Sunday afternoon and turn on the Adt home security in new york. Then we are at the lake for the rest of the day. I was 6 years old when I remember my dad buying our first boat. It seemed like we lived on that boat. My mom never really liked fishing, but she would cook them and eat it. The first boat we had was a small one that only a few people could fit into. We usually caught perch and catfish. We still go pretty much every weekend together. It is like our family tradition. Fishing is my favorite hobby. My father is 70 years old and can barely even walk. He still finds a way to get in the boat. He has to be really feeling bad if he misses a day of fishing. I love spending the time with him. I have also started fishing with my son. He is still young and learning. It is fun though. I hope he has great memories like I do. Fishing is great for everyone.

GK Scott

My father-in-law’s birthday is coming up next month. He loves collecting luxury watches. As a matter of fact he own’s a couple of them. While I was surfing on the internet, I found this website called rock-alias-ram.blogspot.com. I found some valuable information about Best Inventory of Pre-Owned Rolex Watches Online. GK Scott, is a great place to visit especially if you love luxury watches that are pre-owned. I can’t wait to tell my family about what this GK Scott has to offer. So if you or someone you know is planning to buy pre-owned Rolex watches online, check out this website and you’ll be happy you did.

2 Reasons Why I Should go to School

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.

"Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"

"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."

"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."

"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me also!"

"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."

"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."

"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the PRINCIPAL!"

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Deals everyone can use

We have been doing a lot of work around the house this spring and summer. Many things we did were both inside the house and outside in the front and back yards. Our extra bathroom was overdue for some fixture upgrades and we only go to one place to buy items and supplies for our house. That place is the Home Depot in our neighborhood. Especially after we found a very helpful website called savings.com. This is where we keep up to date on the current Home Depot deals that we look at on a regular basis. We often find something in the ads that we were close to buying, then we end up buying it sooner at a great price. I don’t know why anyone would go anywhere else for hardware or garden supplies. I have always had good luck finding what I need and getting help when I need it when I shop at Home Depot. Every week my hubby always checks their ads to see what items they have on sale to see if there is anything that he is considering buying soon. Check out this website to see what current deals they have going to see what you might be considering buying soon.

Lab Rats

At a recent convention of biological scientists, one researcher remarked to another, "Did you know that we have switched from rats to lawyers for experiments in our lab?"

"Really?" replied the other researcher. "Why the switch?"

"There were a number of reasons," the first researcher explained. "First, our lab assistants don't become so attached to them. Second, lawyers breed much quicker, making them far more plentiful. Third, animal rights groups have no objection to their torture and fourth, there are some things even a rat won't do."

Friday, September 3, 2010

TotalProtect Home Warranty

I found a really helpful website called interactive.starmark.com that we used to get what we needed. This is where we learned about their TotalProtect Home Warranty and how it would cover our home. My friend, Jill, told me recently they got some hail damage from a real bad storm we had here in Denver last week. She said they don’t have very good home insurance and will have to fix the roof damage themselves. They provide TotalProtect Home Warranty that homeowners like us need to have needed coverage. Not having coverage needed can be very costly down the road. To learn more about TotalProtect Home Warranty, check out this website and see how they can help you.

Telling Lies

The minister was passing a group of young teens sitting on the Church lawn and stopped to ask what they were doing.

"Nothing much, Pastor," replied one boy. "We were just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about their sex life."

"Boys, boys, boys!" he scolded. "I'm shocked. When I was your age, I never even thought about sex."

In unison they all replied, "You win!"

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

March group

My hubby told his friend the best place to go is a website called themarchgroup.net. The March Group has the experience and dedication to make sure their clients are represented in these important business matters. This is where he can learn more about the March Group and their expertise in assisting clients with mergers, acquisitions and other business related situations. The March Group is the first place my hubby suggests to anyone looking for help with big decisions involving their company. To learn more about March Group, check out this website and see how they can help you.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Uniform for nurses

Are you or someone you know is looking to buy nursing scrub uniforms? Then you should visit this website called blueskyscrubs.com. This website offers a wide variety of uniform for nurses to choose from. They offer very competitive prices for great quality products. A friend of mine is looking to buy some nursing scrub uniforms. She’s been to several stores already but she couldn’t find what she wanted.

I can’t wait to tell my friend about this website and what they have to offer. So if you or someone you know is looking to buy nursing uniforms or medical scrubs and uniforms, check out this website and see how they can help you.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

March Group

My hubby told me part of his company was up for sale and he was watching what they were going to do. He found out his company found a partner to help them with some key business decisions. The March Group helped his parent company decide what direction was best when looking at options such as a merger or acquisition. The March Group can also help with capital raising that will allow the company to make investments that will improve the position and overall profitability in the future. Having the March Group during these key transition times can assure companies they have a partner on their side with their best interest in mind.

Tit For Tat

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a
beer.
"Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent."
"ONE CENT!" exclaimed the guy; the barman replied, "Yes."
So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas, and a fried egg?"
"Certainly sir," replies the bartender, but all that comes to real money." How much money?" inquires the guy. "4 cents", he replies. "FOUR cents!" exclaims the guy.
"Where's the Guy who owns this place?"
The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife."
The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"
The bartender replies, "Same as I'm doing to his business."

Who's The Boss?

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be the boss.

The brain said, "since I control everything and do all the thinking, I should be the boss."

The feet said, "since I carry man where he wants to go and get him in position to do what the brain wants, then I should be the boss."

The hands said, "since I must do all the work and earn all the money to keep the rest of you going, I should be the boss."

And so it went with the eyes, the heart, the lungs, and all the other parts of the body, each giving the reason why they should be the boss.

Finally, the asshole spoke up and said it was going to be the boss.

All the other parts laughed and laughed at the idea of the asshole being the boss. The asshole got so angry that he blocked himself off and refused to function.

Soon the brain was feverish and could barely think, the feet felt like lead weights and was almost too weak to drag the body anywhere, the eyes grew bleary, and the hands hung useless at the sides. All pleaded with the brain to let the asshole be declared the boss.

And so it happened; all the other parts did all the work and the asshole just bossed and passed out a lot of crap.

THE MORAL: You don't have to be a brain to be a boss, just an old asshole.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

My brother and his new TV

Last week my brother told me that he was going to buy a new TV to replace their old one. He said they need to get the best TV for the money since they have a limited budget. I told him about a website my hubby found recently called dixons.co.uk. This is where my brother found some great tv deals for the size of TV he was looking for. They had a big tv sale going and my brother said the prices were lower than anywhere else he had been looking. They also have a lot of other kinds of popular electronics and all the major brand for all different types of products. The excellent inventory, wide selection and incredibly competitive pricing makes this one of our favorite places to shop. We have told several people about this website and they were all as impressed as we are with what they have to offer. They offer very competitive prices for great quality products. Their been in the business for years providing great customer service. So, check this out and see their great selection to choose from.

Advice From a Priest

A priest was taking a shortcut through an alley one day and came upon a young boy who was masturbating.

"My son, you shouldn't be doing that", said the priest. "You should be saving that for when you get married."

The embarrassed boy hung his head down low and simply said "Yes, Father."

About 10 years later the priest was in his study when a young man, in his early twenties came in.

"Yes, my son?" said the priest.

"Father, you may not remember me, but about 10 years ago you caught me masturbating in an alley, and I'll never forget the advice you gave then."

"And what was that, my son?"

"Well, you told me that what I was doing was wrong and I should be saving it for when I get married", said the young man.

"That sounds like something I probably would have said" said the priest.

"Did you take my advice?"

"Yes I did, Father; but there's only one problem."

"What's that, my son?"

"Well, I have a 55 gallon drum of the stuff in the back of my pickup truck. Now that I am getting married, what am I supposed to do with it?"

Finally got what we wanted

My hubby and I have been wanting to buy a new 50 inch tv for quite a while. We have looked at retail stores and have been close to make the purchase for one. Recently, we found a website called dixons.co.uk that really has a great selection of TVs and many other kinds of electronics. We found a great deal on a 50 inch plasma tv that we had to take advantage of. This is a great TV for the price and we are real excited to have the nice, big, sharp TV we have always wanted. This website has such a great selection of electronics and home products, that we will always check out this site before we go anywhere else. They offer very competitive prices for great quality products. Their been in the business for years providing great customer service. None of the retail stores come even close to their selection. Also, other website don’t have their wide variety and inventory to go along with their very competitive pricing. So, check this out and see their great selection to choose from.

Jacob and the Lotto

A guy called Jacob finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. He goes into the synagogue and begins to pray...........

"God, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto".

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.

Jacob goes back to the synagogue.....................

"God, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well".

Lotto night comes and Jacob still has no luck!

Back to the synagogue..................

"My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???".

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Jacob is confronted by the voice of GOD himself: "JACOB, MEET ME HALFWAY ON THIS ONE, BUY A BLOODY LOTTO TICKET!!!"

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Accident cover

No one ever wants to think about dying but it's important to have funeral cover or accident cover so your children or other family members will be prepared. A very inexpensive way to obtain quality funeral cover is to visit this place called guardian income insurance.

Funeral cover is promoted as a way to pay in advance for your funeral expenses so that your loved ones won't have to pay for your funeral. Many people use funeral insurance as a way to ensure their funeral is arranged and paid for in advance, so the burden isn't left to their families or beneficiaries.

A Wild Horse Ride

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.

The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves. As her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune... Frank, the Walmart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Diet and weight loss

It’s amazing how many people today are looking for ways to lose weight. I really didn’t have any problems with extra weight until I was pregnant with our first child. After she was born almost three years ago, I couldn’t lose the extra pounds I put on during my pregnancy. I tried to change my diet and exercise more, but I would eventually put back on the weight I lose with these special programs. That is until I found a really great website called weightlossfatloss.disastercover.com. This is where I learned about the keys to having a proper diet and weight loss that will come with eating smarter. Having this information makes it easier to plan my meals ahead of time and have a healthier diet and better preparation to what I will eat for the day. This makes it easier to eat the best foods for me that are healthy, taste good and help me control my weight the way I want to. Anyone looking to make positive changes in their diet to help them lose weight should visit this website to see why I like it so much. So, check this out and see how they can help you with your diet.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

TotalProtect Home Warranty

My hubby said he was worried about some of the things that could happen to our home that we are not covered for and could lead to costly repairs. I told him about a website I found called growfinancial.org. This is where we learned about their TotalProtect Home Warranty and how it would cover our home. Not having TotalProtect Home Warranty could cost us a lot of money if something unforeseen happened to our home in the future and we didn’t have the coverage we needed. This kind of coverage gives us the piece of mind we have been wanting for quite a while. I’m real happy I found this website for us to protect our home. To learn more about, TotalProtect Home Warranty, check out this website and see how they can help you.

Mother-In-Law

Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit.

"This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter," said one.

"No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other.

And so they haggled before the King until he called for silence.

"Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall hew the young attorney in half. Each of you shall receive a half."

"Sounds good to me," said the first lady.

But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him."

The wise king did not hesitate a moment. He proclaimed, "The attorney must marry the first lady's daughter."

"But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the king's court.

"Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother- in-law."

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Trent Jordan Vancouver

One of my best friends lives in the Pacific Northwest and she invited us to visit her later this year. We want to visit Vancouver since we will be in the area, so my friend told us to visit a website called trentjordan-vancouver.com. This is where Trent Jordan Vancouver shares his knowledge of the area which is very helpful for people visiting this popular destination. After reading about some great places to visit on the Trent Jordan Vancouver website, we decided to spend at least a couple of days in the area. The explanation of the great sites to visit by Trent Jordan Vancouver is unique because of the detailed insight he provides.

What Causes Arthritis?

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick, and he had a half empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading. A couple of minutes later, he asked the priest, "Father, what causes arthritis"?

"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man.

"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered and returned to reading his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he said, turned to the man and apologized. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have arthritis, Father, but I just read in the paper that the Pope has it."

Reputation Managers

With the internet being such an integral part of our everyday life for personal and business reasons, protecting ones reputation is more challenging than ever. It really takes an expert like we found at a website called reputationmanagers.com. This is where we learned about the expertise of the Reputation Managers and the different options they provide to protect the reputation of their clients. It can be a very difficult and challenging task for anyone to manage their own reputation properly and effectively. There are many personal or business reasons why somenone would put negative information that can harm a persons repuation. This best way to prevent this is to visit the Reputation Managers website to see what options meets your needs the best. The Reputation Managers have a proactive or reactive approach depending on the needs of their clients. Also, their Reputation Managers can provide a shield for future attacks from sources that want to damage the reputation of a person, business or a brand.These attacks can spread rapidly on the internet and in the arena of public information these days compared to the past. This can complicate the solutions needed to fix the bad information and prevent these problems in the future.

The Missionary

A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient gets word that he is to return home.

He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."

The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree." The missionary is pleased with the response.

They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."

Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."

The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple in the midst of heavy romantic activity. The padre is really flustered and quickly responds, "Riding a bike."

The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and kills them both.

The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other, so how could he just kill these people in cold blood that way?

The chief replied, "My bike."

Indian Ride

A young woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An American
Indian on horseback soon came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the
horse and they rode off.

The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would shout out a wild "Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a-"
so loud that it echoed off the
surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, she expressed her thanks, and he
yelled a final "Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a!" and rode
off.

"Why was that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant. "I don't know. I just rode behind him
on the horse with my arms around his
waist and holding onto the saddle horn so that I wouldn't fall off," the woman answered.

"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Marriage Made In Heaven

A couple were driving to a church to get married. On the way, they got into a car accident and died. When they arrive in heaven, they see St. Peter at the gate. They ask him if he could arrange it so they could marry in heaven.
St. Peter tells them that he'll do his best to work on it for them.

Three months pass by and the couple hear nothing. They bump into St. Peter and ask him about the marriage.

He says, "I'm still working on it."

Two years pass by and no marriage.

St. Peter again assures them that he's working on it.

Finally after twenty long years, St. Peter comes running with a priest and tells the couple it's time for their wedding.

The couple marry and live happily for a while. But after a few months the couple go and find St. Peter and tell him things are not working out, and that they want to get a divorce.

"Can you arrange it for us?" they ask.

St. Peter replies, "Are you kidding?! It took me twenty years to find a priest up here. How am I gonna find you a lawyer?"

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Pregnant with Diabetes

Having Diabetes at any age is a daily challenge for most people to manage properly in order to live as healthy as a live as possible. But, for a woman who is pregnant, there are unique concerns and actions that need to be taken. A friend of mine is looking for information on this subject and told me she found a great website called egestationaldiabetes.com. This is where she found the information on a gestational diabetes diet that she was looking for so she can make the proper adjustments to her eating habits. They have gestational diabetes menu ideas that makes meal planning a lot easier. Also, she found gestational diabetes snack ideas to have some things to munch on in between meals. Diabetic diet foods can often be the foods you are already eating, but with some minor adjustments. Sometimes, however, the diabetes may linger and blood sugar levels may never return back to normal. Often, symptoms are unnoticed or don't present themselves. It is a condition that should be differentiated from women with diabetes who become pregnant. This website had so much helpful and detailed information about this condition, that my friend said she is very happy she found it. This is a very specific situation that demands the right plan and execution of that plan to give the future mother and child the best conditions to be healthy through the pregnancy and after the birth. A better way to reduce your reliance is to set up a plan with your doctor to keep you healthy. Often a doctor will recommend you begin a gentle workout routine with your diet, so that they can work together with your medication to lower your blood sugar.I would recommend this website to anyone that has gestational diabetes or know anyone else that does because the information is really that valuable.

It's Tax Time

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front of him.

Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled, "Just what the heck do you think you are doing?"

"Well", said the guy, "you see, I am a chiropractor and I could see that you were tense, so I had to massage your back. Sometimes I just cannot help practicing my art!"

"That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard, the guy replied. I work for the IRS. Do you see me fu*king the guy in front of me?"

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Stubbs

A friend of mine loves horses. She’s looking to find a good place where she can get a wearable art for horses that she can give to her family and friends. She will be turning 40 years old next month and planning to giveaway a girl's t shirts or long sleeve t shirts that has a horses print on it. She called and asked me if I know a good place where she can order one. Since I don’t know anything about it, I asked my hubby this morning and he told me to look on the internet. While I was browsing I found this website called stubbsartstudio.com. This website offer a very competitive prices and great customer service. You can choose the design, color, and your own text in this website. If there’s a particular theme or activity that you would like to include in a message to someone special? With their hundreds of designs available almost anything is possible. I suggest you browse through all the virtual drawers in this site to see their great selection. I can’t wait to tell my friends about this site. So if you or someone you know is looking to buy wearable art, check out this website and see if you like it as much as I do.

Big Man in a Small Town

Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone. He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first. One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk to his office. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived. As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while saying, "No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than $1 million. Yes. The appeals court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument, and the other members of my team will provide support. Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details."

This sort of thing went on for almost five minutes. All the while, the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man.

"I'm sorry for the delay," he said, "but as you can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?"

The man replied, "I'm from the phone company. I came to hook up your phone."

DTV transition

The last time we were at my friend's house, she told us about a website he had found on the internet. This is where we learned about how the recent direct satellite tv offers and dtv transition. Just about everyone I know is using one of these providers and are happy with the value and the package of channels they get with their service, just like we are with ours. We have had cable for a long time, but really haven’t had any complaints until recently. Our cable TV bill has gone up quite a bit over the last couple of years and now they want to charge a lot to add their new HD channel lineup. I think anyone using anyone else should compare what they are using to make sure they are subscribed to the service that provides them the best overall value.

This is a great website for DIRECTV by DirectSatTV that has been confusing for us and a lot of other people around the country. There is a lot of valuable and interesting information about this topic and would be worth visiting for anyone who uses cable or satellite tv from any provider. This is a great website to direct satellite tv offers that has been confusing for us and a lot of other people around the country. There has been a lot of changes over the past several years as far as options for providers for TV and HD channels other than broadcast channels. To learn more about dtv transition, check out this website and get the information you need quick and easy.

Are You Gay?

A man dies and due to his evil and sinful life, goes to hell. The devil himself meets him at the gates of hell and tells him, "I don't know what all you've heard up there, but hell isn't all that bad a place. Let me ask you, do you like to smoke?"

The man answers, "Yes, I do"

"Oh, good then," the devil says, "You'll LOVE Mondays. Every Monday we all sit around and smoke cigarettes, cigars, pipes, try out new types of tobacco. Do you like to drink?"

The man answers, "Yeah, sure, I like to drink."

The devil says, "Good, you'll love Tuesdays, then. All we do on Tuesdays is sit around and drink beer, wine, and all kinds of different mixed drinks."

"You'll just love Tuesdays. Do you like to swear?"

"Sure," says the man, "I swear a lot."

"Great then. You'll love Wednesdays."

The devil says, "On Wednesdays, all we do is sit around and swear a lot, we try to make up new cuss words, and have a great time, you'll just love Wednesdays."

"Oh, by the way," asks the devil, "Are you gay?"

"Hell no," the man replies, "I hate fags!"

The devil look at him, and says, "Then you're gonna hate Thursdays."

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Reputation Management Services

Many people for personal or business reasons have concerns about their public reputation and the information available all over the internet these days. It can be a very difficult and challenging task for anyone to manage their own reputation properly and effectively. I asked my hubby about this and he said he learned about a website called reputationmanagers.com that is an option that many use to address this concern about their reputation. This website explains their Reputation Management Services and how they can take measures to counter bad press. Also, their Reputation Management Services can provide a shield for future attacks from sources that want to damage the reputation of a person, business or a brand. These attacks can spread rapidly on the internet and in the arena of public information these days compared to the past. This can complicate the solutions needed to fix the bad information and prevent these problems in the future. I learned about the different efforts Reputation Management Services can direct to minimize and counter the misinformation that can damage an individual, company or related topics that can damage their clients both in reputation and possibly financially. Anyone with these reputation concerns should visit this website to learn more about their unique, effective and proven approaches.