Sunday, November 28, 2010

Heading out to Cleveland for Thanksgiving Dinner

Heading out to Cleveland for Thanksgiving Dinner

I appreciate the guest post, Alonso Humphrey

What can I say? Visiting our family on Thanksgiving is a hectic, fun-filled day. My family is loud and boisterous, but what better way to spend the holiday joking, laughing and having fun? My family and I head out to my brother's house for our traditional Thanksgiving event, all the way near Cleveland, Ohio. We have to leave early in the morning, since the drive is a good 45 minutes away, and we never forget to set our home security alarm system (ADT ALARM specials) before we leave the house, as we never get back until way after dark.

Usually the whole mess of family is there; uncles, aunts, cousins, my niece and two nephews, and of course the random old and new boyfriends and girlfriends of the moment. But it's fun mixing together with everyone. We laugh and joke around, and we always plan to watch TV while we are there, since there are so many great Thanksgiving day specials, parades and football games on that day. We especially love the kids Thanksgiving specials, such as a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving, which the kids flip for.

Our meal is a fun-filled event with lots of laughing, shouting and joking. I love visiting my family on Thanksgiving, as it is a time to catch up with relatives I haven't seen all year, as well as embrace the ones I see regularly.

Not so smart

Some not too smart gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the best plan. The next day they get to work and are able to get into the bank relatively easy thanks to their planning. Once inside the main vault they discover one wall is full of safety deposit boxes and start to work on them immediately. They drill and pry open the first box only to find a small container of vanilla pudding inside.

The Head Gangster says, "Okay, well, at least we can eat it." So they eat the pudding. They drill and pry open up the second safety deposit box and there sits another pudding. They decide to devour it too.

Determined to find the goods, the process continues for the rest of the night until all the safety deposit boxes have been opened. They didn't find any money or jewelry in any of the boxes. Disappointed the head gangster said, "Well, at least they left something for us to eat."

The next day, while listening to the news they hear:
"Yesterday the largest SPERM bank in the USA was robbed by an unknown group of people.....

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Winter clothes for kids

Christmas is around the corner. I was planning to buy some winter clothes for our daughter for Christmas. Since I’ve been so busy these past few days, shopping online is a convenient thing to do. While I was browsing on the internet, I found this great website called zappos.com. They have a wide selection of winter kids clothing such as north face kids jacket and apparel to choose from.

They offer very competitive prices for top quality products. They have been in the business for many years providing great customer service. I can’t wait to shop for some boots and north face jackets for our little princess. So, if you’re looking for a real convenient and simple way to buy kids clothes, check out this website and you’ll be happy you did.

Southern Girl

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive Blonde woman from Alabama arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play Topless." With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, "Come on, Baby, Southern Girl needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down, and squealed..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!"

She hugged each of the dealers. Then she picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

The other ans wered, "I don't know. I thought you were watching."


Moral --- Not all Southerners are stupid. Not all blondes are dumb. But, all men..... are men.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Phentermine

There are a lot of products on the market that make a lot of promises and claims to help people lose weight fast. However, most of them over promise and under deliver. So, where can one go to get scientific and factual information about a proven weight loss product. I found the place and it's called princesseecossaise.com. This is a very easy to understand and user friendly website that explains how and why these diet products are so effective. When you visit this website, you'll find information about how to buy phentermine. Also, they have real testimonials from actual customers that explain why they think this is the best diet pill they have ever used. It's refreshing to read about the specific reasons why it's so effective. The reasons include how the diet pill boosts metabolism and blocks carbs and to buy phentermine. This product has been proven to be successful by all the people that have had successful results. Look to an established product that is effective and one of the best selling diet pills available today. Don't go with a new diet pill that doesn't have the scientific facts and testimonials to back it up like this one does. To learn more about how to buy phentermine, check out this website and see how they can help you with your diet.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Learn about this weight loss option

My cousin lives in northeast Texas and recently told me she wants to do something about her extra weight. She has some health issues that caused her to gain a lot of weight that have been taken care of, but now she wants to lose a lot of weight in her mid-section that she gained over the last several years. I told her about a website I found called ai4ps.com that would be a very good weight loss option to consider. This smart liposuction plano option is what she needs to lose the excessive unwanted weight she has in her stomach area. She was encouraged about this solution for her after reading the very helpful information on this website.

New Hearing Aid

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."

"Really," answered the neighbor . "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty."

What If The Heater Don't Work?

What If The Heater Don't Work?

Post contributed by Alfredo Gaines

Its that time again, every year, come October, the winds of the north blow cold. The birds migrating south stop by the nearby pond to sasciate their thirst. Here in my house, every one is thinking food, party, presents... I am thinking Heating Costs, Windows Sealing... I walk to the shed and start surveying my winter stash, my generator, gutter cleaning... and so, I start the yearly chore of setting the house up for winter. I lock the house as tight as it can be. All windows and doors, the Fire Place. I go towards the furnace and turn the gas on, wait a few minutes and then go to my "Electronic Thermostat" and turn it to "Heat" and turn the "Power On". It takes a few instants to come on, full blast. As my kids watch wide eyed, I light up a handfull of incence sticks, cinnamon, every one likes cinnamon. I wait till the smoke is full and constant, then I approach the front door and bring the incense close to the seam where the door meets the door frame and wait and see, I run the incense sticks all over the seams, watching the smoke. All is good, no leaks... Every door and every window will get the "Incense Treatment" to insure there are no leaks. If there were any leaks you would see the smoke as it's sucked into the leaking space. All doors and windows must have a good seal, otherwise you will be heating up the neighborhood. Next I check the "Insulation Blanket" around the "Water Heater" in the Garage. I check the "pilot Light", make sure is "ON" and that the cover is on its place. Move the "Heating Control Knob" to "Medium Heat" position. Next to put the cover over the "A/C Unit", (Air Conditioner Unit), make sure the rain and/or snow stay off and out of it. My kids are too young to help, but they follow me around, watching, learning, as I explain to them the importance of making these preparations ahead of time. Where we live there are no issues with winter storms, but you never know. We do have "Storm Windows and Doors" but we will just have them handy, not installed. Make sure we change the oil in the generator and fill it up with gasoline and start it up, make sure it works. Generator is a "GO". All "Mechanical Items" are to be checked for proper servicing and operation prior to the winter months. Even the Insulation Blankets on the "Dog House will be checked. Our pets have to be well tended, they cannot do it themselves. It's a good experience for the children as well, some day they will be doing this to their homes. It saves work, time and money. Make sure the "BBQ Grill" is covered, and secured, cover all the "Patio Furniture", and put an insulation blanket on the "Irrigation Control Valves" so they do not freeze. We have a "50 Lbs, Bag of Salt", for when the "Sidewalk and Driveway" freezes. Avoid "Slip and Fall" accidents. Pile some "Fire Wood" on the Porch and another pile next to the Fire Place. Make sure it stays nice and dry for when it's needed. Back to the Garage we go, This time we have to "Break" into the "Winter Storage Coverts" and bring out the "Heavy Mink Blankets" and "Winter Clothing Items", Jackets, Gloves, Boots and Winter Shoes. All the blankets have to be fluffed up and the children love to punch on them and throw them around for that purpose. Last but not least, we know the heater is working fine, but we still have to either replce or clean the filter. It gets very dusty in there. Clean filters means better circulation of the air as well as cleaner air. Also is good for the furnace because it does not have to work hard to process the warm air that we so much enjoy. Now that all the chores have been taken care of, is time to enjoy a nice afternoon football game. We are going to kick back and relax in front of the Satellite Television we got after looking at the directv satellite comparison and watch as the "New York Football Giants" destroy "Troy" and his "Cowpokes".

Barbie

A man walks into the toy store to get a Barbie doll for his daughter. So he asks the assistant, as you would, "How much is Barbie?"

"Well," she says, "we have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00."

"Hey, hang on," the guy asks, "why is Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?"

"Yeah, well, it's like this ... Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture ..."

Thursday, November 18, 2010

The best source for vacuum bags

My hubby and I have a Hoover vacuum that works great, but it’s hard to find the replacement bags at our local retail stores. They are usually out of stock and can’t tell us when they will have them. After this prolonged frustration to find something as simple as vacuum cleaner bags, we turned to the internet to find a source that gave us what we needed. This website called sparesnextday.co.uk is exactly what we needed so we can order our hoover bags at great prices whenever we need them. We have told many of our friends and relatives about this website that used to have the same problem finding vacuum bags like we did. I remember talking to one of my friends, she has the same problem with us. She’s been looking to buy vacuum bags but couldn’t find the exact size and brand. I can’t wait to tell my friend about what this website has to offer. Make sure to see their Spares Next Day option that is something we always check out when we visit the sparesnextday. Anyone who uses vacuum bags should check out this website the next time they need replacements.

Don't Stop

There are three men in the woods. they are hunter, trapper, and stupid
guy. Hunter goes out and comes back an hour later with a bear. Trapper asks
"how did you get that?" Hunter says me find tracks, me follow tracks, me find
bear, me shoot bear, bear stop."
Trapper goes out and comes back an hour later with a deer. Stupid guy
asks "how did you get that?" Trapper says" me find tracks, me follow tracks,
me find deer, me shoot dear, dear stop."
Stupid guy goes out and comes back two hours later bruised and nearly
dead with broken limbs. Hunter and trapper ask "What happened to you?"
stupid guy says "me find tracks, me follow tracks, me find train, me shoot
train, train don't stop."

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Austin Family Attorney

My cousin lives in Austin, Texas and said she needs to speak with a family attorney. Her husband and her have chosen to get a divorce recently since they can’t seem to make things better for their family. I told her to visit a website called evansfamilylawgroup.com. This is where she can learn about an Austin Family Attorney that has the experience in family law that she needs for her situation. She will have issues including child support and Grandparents Rights that will be part of the divorce agreement. I wanted to make sure she has someone on her side that will represent her properly during this difficult process.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Have fun playing

One of my friends was browsing on the internet and found this great website called casinoonline.org. This website has very impressive detailed reviews that include screen shots the specifics on the games found on each respective online casino website. For me, the more I understand about the differences between games makes it easier to find the best games for me to play and better understand how the games work.It’s fun for us to play after our daughter goes to bed or is at a friends house playing. So if you or someone you know loves to play online casino, check this out and get the information you need quick and easy.

The Lexus

A lady walked into a Lexus dealership just to browse. Suddenly, she spotted the most beautiful car that she had ever seen, and walked over to inspect it. As she bent forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little fart escaped.

Embarrassed, she anxiously looked around to see if anyone had noticed and hoped a sales person didn't pop up right now. But, as she turned back, there, standing next to her, was a salesman.

With a pleasant smile he greeted her, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?"

Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though nothing had happened, she smiled back and asked, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"

Still smiling pleasantly, he replied, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say that if you farted simply from touching it, you are going to sh*t when you hear the price."

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Protecting your home

Protecting your home

Guest post by Quincy Lester

One of the most important places that one can visit together as a family is the library. There are so many things that one can learn by reading books. Not only does visiting the library encourage the love of learning but it strengthens family togetherness. I simply love learning new things every time we my family and I take a trip to our local library. We visit several libraries in our area many times a week. Reading is such an important and essential part of our lives. My husband and I could not imagine not introducing our child to reading at a young age as it is essential to the foundation of learning. Our local library has many items to offer such as books on tape and compact disc as well as educational DVD's for the whole family. I could practically spend the whole day in the library searching for books and movies on any given topic that might peak my interest at the time. However, there is one thing I never forget to do before I leave my home to spend time at the library - I never go to the library without first protecting my home by setting my Home security Systems before I leave.

Loan Letter

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply.

(Actual letter):

"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."

Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows (actual letter):

"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S. , from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application.

For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France , which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain

The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. The good queen, Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus' expedition. Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana . God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back, to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the FHA. I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our damn loan?"

The loan was approved.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

The Jersey Shore Sends A Good Message

The Jersey Shore Sends A Good Message

Author: Willard Roberson

I must come clean. I am one of those who add to the ratings for The Jersey Shore. Does this make me an immoral person? According to the media, this show is the most disgusting show to come along in years - perhaps ever. Supposedly, it sends the wrong message to our youth that it's wrong to drink and have premarital sex. What the media doesn't realize, though, is that they are actually reversing the message, which is beneficial for today's youth. What I'm trying to say is that since the media has demonized the show so much, everyone thinks the people on the show behave irresponsibly. This makes the characters on The Jersey Shore look like losers, not winners. Therefore, the kids who watch the show will grow up not wanting to be like them. Who in their right mind would want to be called a loser?

This is a strange situation. It's not often that a television show will have such an unintended effect, but that is exactly what has happened. It's almost like The Jersey Shore is acting like a public service message, but with a much more mature rating. One thing is for sure, regardless of what people think or say about it, or what message is being sent, I will always watch it on Free on Demand on my satellite tv from satelite.com. I just can't get enough of the immorality. But I think that makes me human.

Taxi Driver

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"

"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."